Dear president,

I have been waiting for this moment ever since I was told by the angels that i was coming to this side of the world. It is with upmost joy i am writing this letter to you sir.

You see eh, I am more than happy with the way things are turning out in this country i must tell you, especially the good job you did when you decided not to interfere with the senate decision to legalise paedophilia as some of my friends are well satisfied and rejoicing over it. Also, i love the continuous hope you have given to the people concerning the electricity issue as it has helped my uncle's generator business to continue to boom as well as the generator repairer whose shop is in front of my friend's daddy's shop.I must confess that this country is the greatest country ever though i would have bluntly refused to come from the continent of Africa if God told me where he was sending me to but I believe that he is the all knowing God. I have always been told that i and my generation are the future leaders of tomorrow; 

frankly I believe cos i hope to just be like you guys when i grow up (just like you guys sir). Just yesterday, I and my friends were gisting about the great environment you guys have created for us to succeeed you guys as future siphooners and stakeholders of the national cake. We are grateful sir.

There is an issue that has been bugging my mind ever since you became the president and that is the issue of your dear wife, the mother of the nation. Do not get me wrong sir, i love her fighting spirit and her standing up to Governor Amaechi and Prof. Soyinka but what is that stunt she played trying to shake a delegation before you did? I think she needs a night school sir and i recommend Caro's night school at the back of my house. It is a coded area in Satellite town where nobody will even notice her. I want to tell you not to mind those omo ibo people and the Hausa people wey dey yan say you no go enter as presido for 2015 say na dem go enter, this time we would make sure that we perfect the rigging system as it is only you that has the power to sack the INEC chairman we go use that one use blackmail am,make you no worry.

In conclusion sir, i want to say that you are my hero as you have let me learn that it is possible to grow from having no shoes to marching the people that gave you the shoes to wear. That is a master piece sir. God bless America and God help Nigeria.

Your faithful citizen,

@_stanchi